Premarital Checklist for Moving from A “Me” Mindset to A “We” Mindset (Me-To-We)

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Premarital Checklist for Moving from A “Me” Mindset to A “We” Mindset (Me-To-We)

  1. Identify critical areas of life:
    • Marriage
    • Family (in-laws, children, friends, etc), 
    • Homemaking and housekeeping
    • Finances
    • Worship
    • Work
    • Health and Wellness
  • (List anything that is part of your life or your lives to be.)
  1. List your current (individual) beliefs and practices.  
  • (Each category should have its own list.)
  1. Compare your individual lists for the purpose of identifying gaps and differences. 

(Judgment free…do not judge each other during this part of the process.)

  1. Based on the comparison completed in Step #3 above, create a new list for each category that lists gaps and differences only.
  2. Go through each categorized list of gaps and differences while asking yourselves (each of you personally) if you are willing to compromise and articulate your response to your partner. 
  • (Again, no judgment here. Allow for free expression and create spiritually- emotionally- and psychologically-safe spaces for each other.)
  1. If you (each of you personally) are willing to compromise, work together respectfully and gently to create a new practice or solution that you both agree to and will abide by. 
  2. Commit to one another that if/when a new “me-to-we” solution is created, neither of you will change that without agreement from the other.
  3. The goal is to move from 2 singular paths to 1 shared path in as many areas of life as possible. 9.  Neither of you have to “give up” everything, per se. And, neither of you should be diminishing the other in this process, per se.  You do have to make choices about what you are willing to do differently to make your impending marriage the best it can possibly be.

Repeat the Me-To-We practice as often as needed to reset, reassess and realign.